


your light guides me home (to you)

by bisexualbarry



Series: survivor’s guide: how to live (and love) during an apocalypse [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Zombie Apocalypse, just a little bit though lmao, nat/bucky if you squint, possible ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 07:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18566446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualbarry/pseuds/bisexualbarry
Summary: Steve struggled with living for a long time. Even after escaping the New York Quarantine Zone, he doesn’t really know how to live.Until he met Tony.





	your light guides me home (to you)

**Author's Note:**

> im gonna be real with you a moment
> 
> idfk how to write steve and tony, lmfao. the ooc tag is for them because i #struggled
> 
> [here is a link to a youtube video explaining what exactly the infection is.](https://youtu.be/Z4nfEq8GQzo) it’s about seven minutes, and it does a great job in explaining what it does, how it effects humans, how it spreads, etc (:
> 
> the fireflies are a rebel group. i think they’re described as trying to find a cure?? idk, theyre against the military
> 
> this is officially the longest one shot ive ever written by myself, ehehe
> 
> ~~i also dont know if i 100% like how this came out, but i put my blood, sweat, and tears into this so please read it <3~~
> 
> **you dont need to read the spideypool in order to read this one** im writing them so theyre all connected by universe, but storywise are all independent of one another (:

His breathing was turning into pants the longer he strained himself.

It wasn't even that he was doing something that required a lot of effort, but hiding from infected and military alike on the outskirts of the Quarantine Zone made his pulse race. Just up ahead of him was the last guard tower. One man was up there tonight, and three more walking on the ground. They had just done a switching of the guards, so Steve doubted they'd get tired and restless anytime soon. A soft huff made its way past his lips when he thought about the handful of infected he had run into on the path out of the Zone. The military had always prided themselves for keeping any out, and yet they were there. Living in the tunnels just beneath where a lot of people walked around, thinking they were safe from them.

The entirety of the New York Quarantine Zone was a joke. It was bursting at the seams from desperate people, and there wasn't enough ration cards to go around. Peggy had nearly been caught in a street fight as she was walking to meet him in the broken down excuse of a library. It had scared her shitless, but she was one of the toughest people he knew. Even if she was shaken on the inside, she never let it show on her face. He didn't blame her. Any sign of weakness was practically a death sentence.

Swallowing thickly, Steve kept to the shadows, his eyes scanning all around as he kept his breathing quiet. He didn't need the guards catching him just because his panicked breathing tipped them off. The guards seemed none the wiser, however, as Steve slowly slunk forwards. Grabbing a nearby empty bottle, Steve tossed it over to the right, leading an unsuspecting guard towards the noise. The other two on the ground watched their companion a moment before focusing back on their previous task. With their attention elsewhere, Steve snuck forward and took the one out.

After doing a similar process with the other two, Steve avoided the spotlight and snuck through the gate. The guard in the tower seemed preoccupied with searching for his missing partners, and wasn't paying attention to the gate, making it easy for Steve to slip outside the last line of defense.

The cool spring breeze blew around him as he ran into the nearest cover, which happened to be an old department store. Clothes racks were knocked over everywhere, stripped of the clothes that once hung on their metal poles. Shelves in various states of decay emptied of products and picked clean. Steve had been in this very store when he was a child. The once vibrant lights that shone overhead has long since been shut off. The power it once used being redirected to keep lights on in the Zone. The scent of mold was thick in the air, and only seemed to get worse the further Steve went. It didn't bother him any. The only thing he was concerned about running into were infected. Hunters wouldn't dare try to go near a Zone as big as New York, though many certainly tried. Steve had wanted to get out a week prior, but the entire Zone went into lockdown mode and it was nearly impossible.

Fucking hunters.

Steve's backpack sat heavily against his back, filled with ammo, food, and a pot to cook with. Peggy had told him to bring extra of anything, but Steve didn't want to run the risk of it being too heavy and slowing him down. Besides, he had figured, he'd find anything he didn't already have. The infection had been running rampant for close to nineteen years, and there was still a lot of useful things to be found within the walls of abandoned buildings and houses. Peggy had called him silly for wishful thinking, but Steve knew it all came from a place of worry. He hoped she wouldn't worry too much while he was out of the Zone. If he was being honest, he wasn't sure when, or if, he was ever coming back. But he didn't want to tell Peggy that.

With the cover of darkness, Steve walked for a bit further. He had slept the evening away in preparation for strolling through out of the Zone's perimeters without being spotted. It was already a miracle in itself that he had managed to leave this time around without the guards seeing him. The last time he had attempted this, he had nearly bleed out from being shot. But Steve was anything if not adaptable. He would make due. Gun ready in his hand, Steve made his way through the trashed department store to the other side where he'd be able to start making good time away from the Zone. He didn't have any particular destination in mind, but any place that wasn't the Zone seemed like a good idea to Steve.

The sound of crickets filled the air, making a smile make its way onto his face. Spring had always been his favorite season, even before nature slowly started taking back over the land. Flowers bloomed and the dawn of warmer times on the horizon. Winters were brutal when you weren't prepared for them, especially when thicker clothes were in short supply. It was still a bit cool out, winter quite not yet getting her claws out of the weather. But the gentle breeze brought hints of warmth and rain– an April night. On nights like these when he was a kid, him and his mom would sit on the porch stargazing. Sometimes she would sew or read him poetry, other nights he'd go on and on about stuff he learned in school or about things he did with his friends. A pang shot through his heart whenever he thought about his mother, or even his childhood best friend, Bucky. He wasn't sure what happened to Bucky once things went underway, but Steve remembered vividly (perhaps too much so) of having to lay his mother to rest after she had gotten sick. She never made it three years past the start of it.

God, he missed her.

Much to his dismay, a light sprinkle started falling. It wasn't enough to be much of a bother, but it certainly did like turning the dry dirt into mud. Mud was quickly caking his shoes and making it difficult to walk without hearing the _squelch_ noise whenever he took a step. The rain always seemed to clear his head somewhat, making him sigh into the night as he kept walking. He was wired from his nap, and he didn't know when he was going to stop next.

At one point, Steve had to avoid a rouge car of guards patrolling the surrounding area late at night. It confused Steve a bit before he realised they were probably scouting for infected. They always liked to act like they were doing something good, even when most of the time they weren't. With a shake of his head, Steve continued forward into the night.

 **~*~**  

If you had asked Steve when he was young if he would ever be used to long stretches of road and the sound of gunfire ringing in the distance no matter where he stood, he'd tell you no. Probably call you a liar, too, if he's being honest with himself.

It had been nineteen years since the start of the infection, and about seventeen since people stopped pumping fuel out of the ground. While gasoline was still something a lot of people used, finding it was getting harder and harder as the years went on. Pumping it had itself become a waste of energy, so many people walked or relied on horses. The scattering of cars abandoned on the roads helped further that fact. Seeing them cluttering the highway yet brought a sad smile to Steve's face. Faintly, he could recall road trips to grandparents' houses, or even small trips out of state when they could afford the luxury. Steve had been out of New York multiple times, even when he lived in the Zone. He and Peggy had worked as smugglers for a few years before they decided they weren't going to risk their lives for that anymore, even when it brought in extra ration cards. Peggy didn't exactly like quitting it, but it put huge targets on their backs, and Steve already hated it there as it was. The last thing he wanted was to get killed over a couple cans of food.

Sighing softly, Steve stopped near one of the cars and peered under the hood. It still had the parts required to run, but it was out of gas and he didn't have a syphon hose. Cursing, he kicked the tire before moving on. A car would be helpful in getting as far away from New York as possible, but he wasn't about to lose sleep over not using any. He was used to traveling long distances on foot, anyway.

At some point, Steve pulled out an old, worn out poetry book and read a couple poems as he walked. It was his mother's that she used to read to him, and he never had the heart to get rid of it. Every time he opened it, he felt like he was back at home on the porch, thirteen and listening to the soothing voice of Sarah. A small smile filled his face as he read over her favorite poem. He never quite understood why she liked it so much, but any memory of hers that he could grasp onto, he did.

"Isn't it a little dangerous to be reading and walking?" a feminine voice spoke up, causing Steve to whip his head up and staring at the woman who spoke. She was smirking and leaning against one of the many broken cars, red hair blowing in the slight breeze. "Somebody could jump you, and you wouldn't even see it coming."

"What do you want?" Steve asked, grabbing his gun. He didn't take the safety off yet, eyeing the stranger warily.

She just rolled her eyes. "I'm stuck here. I was with somebody else, but she wandered off. I'm fairly certain she won't come back, either. I saw the bite mark on her hand."

"I'm sorry." The apology felt fake on Steve's lips. People got bit or shot often. Even though death was a constant thing, it still hurt. He wasn't sure how close the girl in front of him was the girl that got bit, but his mom still raised him to be polite.

She just shrugged. "I'm Natasha."

"Steve."

"Look, I...I know you don't know me, or trust me even, but...I can't be alone. By myself, even." Natasha looked nervous and unsure of herself. She kept her distance, and moved her hand to reveal a gun in her hands. Steve could see from where he stood that the safety was off and ready to be shot. "I'll shoot you if you try anything, but would it be alright if I walked with you?"

Steve looked her over a minute before nodding. "Like you said, _I know you don't trust me_ , but I won't try anything. If I did, my mother would probably come alive and smack me."

The edges of Natasha's mouth quirked up in a small smile as she nodded. She didn't move to put the safety back on her gun as she walked up to Steve. "I'd hold you still for her."

Steve chuckled softly. "Where are you heading?"

"Somewhere west. Heard through the grapevine that there's a group of fireflies in Utah. My friend is a firefly and he feeds me information when he can. Kinda hard when there's no way to communicate past face to face, but we make due. He has great insider information."

"No offense, but I'm surprised he hasn't been caught doing that," Steve stated bluntly.

"That makes two of us." Natasha put the safety back on her gun and put it away, still in a spot where she could grab it quickly.

Steve's own gun was back in its holster, along with the poetry book back in his backpack. Natasha made small talk as they walked, asking where he was heading and where he came from. He didn't offer her too much information, and he wasn't surprised when she did the same. Just because they were walking together didn't make them friends. Besides, Natasha just didn't want to get jumped. Hunters could be ridiculous whenever they saw a woman alone. They were ridiculous no matter the occasion, but they tended to be particularly viscous when it came to women. Natasha could easily take care of herself, but if she got swarmed, there was only so much a person to could do. Besides, Steve considered himself more her backup in that aspect than anything else.

A small town came into their vision, and Steve stopped at the evacuation sign. It was rusted with age and the words were peeling off. There were bullet holes scattered throughout, like someone had used it for target practice.

"I'm going to pick through the shops over here. I imagine you'll probably do the same, so do you want to meet back up by the tree in the middle of the courtyard?" Natasha asked, pointing to said tree as she spoke.

"Sounds like a good plan to me," Steve replied with a shrug.

They went their separate directions and Steve carefully walked over the broken glass of the shop's window. The shelves were bare of food, but he was able to grab a few supplies to make a makeshift wrap if either of them got injured. At one point, he found an old letter in one of the drawers, letting his eyes scan over the slightly faded words.

_Julie,_

_I doubt you'll ever find this letter, but writing to you brings me a comfort I haven't had since you left. The town's gotten worse. A lot worse. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to stay and help the people who weren't able to leave. Fuck, I miss you and Rosie so much. Ever since you left, I've felt like I'm going to be shot or bitten at any minute. I hope you two are doing okay at the QZ. Food's running low, it's causing fights to break out near daily. I had to bury our elderly neighbor the other day because some young punk had shot her for a can of peaches. Can you believe that? Peaches!_

_I hear infected trying to climb the walls. I'm not sure how much longer it'll be able to keep them out. I don't think I'll ever leave this town. If I get bit, I'm taking my own life before the infection can spread. No way am I becoming one of those fuckers._

_I love you,_  
_Liam_

Blinking away the water that he was surprised had collected, Steve pressed the letter gently into his book of poetry. He was surprised he had come across it in the first place– there were hunters that loved destroying any mementos left behind in abandoned towns like these. A part of Steve had a hunch that either hunters hadn't discovered the place, or a lot of infected were here, keeping them away.

As if on cue, the noise of a clicker sounded from the connecting alleyway. Cursing under his breath, Steve dropped down and hid behind the counter he was standing behind. With no way to see where Natasha was, Steve held his breath as he tried to guess where the clicker was by sound. It was in the shop, that much he could tell. It must've heard him rustling around in there and wandered over to find his neck to chomp on. It didn't exactly leave him with a very comforting feeling.

Peeking over the counter, Steve saw that the clicker's back was to him. It was clicking and stumbling down the aisle, trying in near vain to find him. Thanking everything that clickers were blind, Steve quietly climbed over the counter and snuck behind the creature. When he had the chance, Steve took his knife out and killed the clicker, letting its corpse drop to the ground when he was certain it had stopped breathing.

Steve was startled, suddenly, when a gun shot rang through the air. With only Natasha in mind, Steve bolted out the door and towards the sound. It seemed he wasn't the only one doing that, for there were suddenly a ton of infected pouring out from the shops.

"Natasha!" he yelled out, shooting any infected that came near him. They needed a way out– fast.

"Over here!"

Steve ran towards the voice, quickly shutting the door to the shop and pushing a large stand in front of it. "I don't know how long this'll hold them for," he said, already walking towards the back of the shop.

"There's an underground tunnel at the back," Natasha said, her eye on the door and boarded up windows. The infected were trying their damndest to get through.

"What if there's infected down there? Then we'll be trapped."

"We're already trapped, Steve!" Natasha snapped. "We'll never be able to outrun them. And there's too many to kill."

"Fine. Lead the way."

Switching positions, Natasha led them over to a cellar door, telling Steve to shut and it on their way through. The tunnels were dim and spacious, the cool earth making Steve feel almost too cold. But it was better than wandering around outside and being chased by infected. Steve knew when to keep his mouth shut.

They were both quiet as they listened for any signs of life down there. So far, the only things they had come across were bugs and corpses in various states of decay. The coolness of the tunnel were almost preserving them, slowing down the decomposition process compared to the ones they've come across already. They stumbled across a room which Steve guessed had been someone's base at one point. There was a photograph of a man with who he assumed was his wife and young daughter. Steve's mind flashed back to the letter he had found and wondered if this was the family that was mentioned in it.

"Looks like whoever stayed here is long gone," Natasha spoke up, wiping dust off a journal before picking it up. She flipped through a minute and sighed. "They got trapped down here. They hoped, with only two entrances, they could wait it out. But the tunnel collapsed in front of one, and all the infected surrounding the others."

Steve's head whipped towards Natasha. He felt bad for momentarily blinding her with his flashlight. "The other entrance is blocked?"

"This was also six years ago. It could've been cleared by others passing through," she said, tossing the journal back onto the table. "Explains why there's nothing in here, though. They must've ate through everything and starved."

Steve let out a sigh, opening a random drawer or cupboard every so often. Natasha was right– everything was empty. "Well let's hope this theory of yours is correct, otherwise we're just as stuck down here."

"We'll be fine." Even Natasha didn't sound convinced, but Steve wasn't about to call her out on it.

They walked further down the tunnel. It got darker the farther they went, making Steve glad they both had flashlights. He stopped them and pointed to something up ahead. "Spores," he said, pulling out his mask.

Natasha copied his movement. "That's not a good sign. There could be infected down here."

Steve gave Natasha a look before continuing forward. They both listened closely for anything as they spotted the end of the tunnel. Sure enough, people had picked at it enough over the years that they could make their way out. Steve gave Natasha a look of disbelief before walking towards it. After peeking outside to make sure the coast was clear, they walked out of the tunnel.

They only made it two steps before there was a gun to Steve's face.

Natasha had hers already out and aimed at the guy in front of them. Nobody moved, and Steve had his hands up in a universal sign of "please don't shoot me". The stranger's glare was hard, and if Steve wasn't as used to be glared at as often as he was, the intensity would've made a shiver run down his spine.

"We're only passing through," he stated in a calm voice. "Infected ran us out of town, and the only way through was the tunnel."

The stranger stared at him for a beat longer before dropping the gun. Natasha still had hers aimed. "I won't shoot," he said, but Natasha persisted. "I'm Clint. There's a small group of us over in this house. We take turns watching the exit of the tunnel to make sure no hunters or infected get through."

"We're neither," Steve replied, pulling off his mask. "I'm Steve, and this is Natasha."

Clint turned and let out a soft sigh as he kept staring at Natasha's gun. "How long have you two been walking together?"

"Few hours, maybe half a day. Met her on the way," Steve answered.

Clint nodded, eyeing Natasha once more before gesturing towards the house. "You're more than welcome to stay the night in there. I have no doubt the others are listening in anyway, so you shouldn't have much of a problem anymore."

"You don't have to keep us," Natasha said. She had finally put her gun away.

"There's plenty of us to keep on eye out for trouble if you two needed the rest."

Steve and Natasha exchanged a glance before following Clint's lead up to the house. He could feel eyes watching him, but ignored as it as Clint led them inside. He talked quietly to someone not far off before gesturing them into the living room. The person Clint had been talking to was a black male named Sam, and he was already moving out the door to take the next patrol. Clint introduced them next to another female named Valkyrie and a male named

"Tony!"

Blinking out of his thoughts, Steve watched as Natasha walked over to Tony and pulled him into a hug. They chatted quietly for a minute before Natasha was gesturing him over.

"This is Tony. The firefly I was telling you about," she explained, pointing at said male.

"Why's a firefly here?" Steve couldn't help but ask, eyebrow raised.

"Because, blondie, I don't actually like the group. I'm more of an inside source than anything," Tony said, staring Steve down. "Don't you realise people often die when they don't have the information they need?"

"Tony, c'mon," Clint complained. "Don't start anything, please."

"Yeah, we're just passing through," Steve added. He paused when Natasha gave him a look. "Well _I_ am anyway."

"Where are you heading?" Valkyrie asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Anywhere that's not New York," Steve answered. "The QZ there is in horrible shape. I was getting out of there before something bad happened."

"Tony's closer than I thought he was, so I've got no plans," Natasha said.

"Where's Carol?" Tony asked Natasha, who quickly shut down. Steve was used to seeing her quiet, but the question brought yet another guard up. Tony seemed to get the message. "I'm sorry."

"Shit happens." Natasha's voice was flat as she sat down next to Valkyrie. It seemed she wouldn't be saying much more tonight.

"Steve, wanna help me board up the windows in the back? With Sam on guard and Tony out of commission until his hand heals, I've got no one else." Clint grabbed a hammer that was lying on a coffee table and gestured with it to something in the back. "Normally, I'd ask Val, but..." Looking over at the two women, he saw them huddled close together and talking. They must've been familiar with each other, and were discussing what Steve assumed to be Carol. Wanting to be out of the room and out of the thick tension, Steve nodded.

Finishing up didn't take too long. By the time they were finished, it was near pitch black. Light was emitting from the living room, signaling that someone had lit a lamp in there to see. Tony was staring out a crack in the window, cradling a wrapped up hand to his chest. Both Natasha and Valkyrie were fast asleep on the couch, curled together with a picture clutched tightly in Natasha's hand.

"How many people does Natasha know?" Steve asked to no one in particular.

"Natasha makes connections wherever she can," Tony answered anyway, his voice soft so he didn't wake the two women. "Didn't surprise me that she brought someone with her here. She doesn't like traveling alone."

Steve sat on the floor next to Tony's chair, back to the wall. It was the first time he had gotten to somewhat relax since waking up that morning. "Who's Carol?"

Tony tensed a minute before relaxing. "It isn't my place to tell. Though I doubt you'll get anything from either Nat or Val. They all knew each other from a QZ down south. It's abandoned and overrun by hunters now, but it's where they all met. Val's in the fireflies with me, but she takes it more seriously than me. I couldn't give two shits about that group."

"Why do you stay then?"

"Like I said, need the insider info." Tony sat up in the lumpy chair, wincing as he heard his back crack in the process. "God, I miss nice furniture. Haven't sat in something decent since I was like fourteen."

"Was that how old you were when shit happened?"

"Nah, I was sixteen. I was put into boarding school when I was fourteen. Haven't heard from my parents since the day they dropped me off. Wouldn't surprise me if the infection took them."

Steve nodded and looked over to see Clint passed out on the floor in front of the couch. Steve's own eyes were drooping, but he didn't exactly trust any of them, so he stubbornly kept his eyes open.

"Look, man. I'm not sure how long you've been around Natasha, but I'm aware you don't exactly trust any of us," Tony said, smirking a little. "But this is a good group of people. If you need rest, then take it. I slept earlier, so I'm still wide awake."

Steve eyed Tony a minute before slowly nodding and getting more comfortable. With one last scan around the room, he soon fell asleep.

 **~*~**  

In the end, he ended up staying with the group. At some point, Tony and Valkyrie had to return back to their respective firefly groups before they could be noticed as missing. For a few months, Steve, Natasha, Clint, and Sam wandered through different parts of the country. At one point, they had managed to find themselves in what was assumed to be Canada. Steve made a sad joke about finally getting to leave the country before they turned around.

It was about a year before they settled down. Settled being a term Steve was hesitant to use. It was a large house in the mountains of Colorado. There was enough for the four of them to, realistically, each have their own room to sleep in. They ended up sharing anyway. Sam and Clint stayed in one room, and across the hall was Natasha and Steve. The beds were uncomfortable, but they made do. And with sound traps near any of the floor entrances, they were all able to sleep, somewhat decently, throughout the nights.

The house itself had two floors and a basement. The top floor had decayed, leaving it dangerous to anywhere past the tenth stair in fear of falling through. It was so rotted that Steve could see right up into an old nursery from where he laid in bed. It made his heart ache and wonder if the child had survived the infection. The mere thought of children always made him think of the note he found a year prior. It sounded like Liam had died, but what about Rosie and Julie? He hoped they were okay, even if he had never met them. Steve had told Natasha about the note a few months after he found it. She shared his worries about what happened to them, but otherwise didn't seem too concerned about their fate. To Natasha, if it wasn't people in their group, then she didn't see the point in wasting energy to worry about them. Steve couldn't help but think of Peggy when she said that.

The basement reeked of mold and the floor was coated with at least a foot of water. There was a large leak in one of the windows, letting in water whenever it rained or snowed. The dirt could only absorb it so fast before it became too much and started collecting on the surface. They were able to salvage an old map of the city from one of the containers in the basement, as damp and crinkly as it may be.

The house sat higher up on the mountain, and gave a decent view of the surrounding area. Steve entertained the idea of setting up a lookout, but Clint pointed out that it would be too obvious for anybody looking up at the building. Natasha seemed content in staying in one spot for a bit. While she looked more at peace with something than when they met, she still grew quiet and would often stare into the distance whenever she sat by the window. It always made Steve wonder who Carol was, and why she seemed to affect Natasha so much.

"I haven't heard anything about Val's group, but apparently Tony's is nearing Colorado," Sam said, walking into the room where they were all gathered. "Man, he's so tired of their holier than thou attitudes. Val's group isn't as bad, but Tony's close to leaving and just never returning."

"Why doesn't he?" Natasha asked, snorting. "He's always bitching about how much he hates it there. Besides, we have Val. I'm sure all firefly groups communicate, it's not like the information will be much different."

"I've tried telling Tony that, but you know how much of a stubborn prick he is." Sam flopped onto the couch next to Steve, ignoring how it creaked dangerously under his weight. "I give him another month before he cracks."

"I'm surprised he's made it this long," Clint added. He was restringing his bow as he sat on the windowsill. "He's been in it for, what, five years now?"

"Just about, yeah."

"Just tell him to quit." Natasha sat up in the chair, letting out a sigh. "It's not worth the information if he keeps bitching throughout telling us."

Steve couldn't hold back a snort, causing Natasha to smile a little. They all sat there in silence for long before Clint suddenly spoke up.

"I see a firefly jeep driving into the city. It doesn't look like Tony's usual."

That got their attention.

Grabbing their various weapons, each of them perched at a different window. Sure enough, there was a jeep driving through the dusty streets. A car was following behind it, stirring up dirt and small wildlife. Somebody threw something at one of the buildings and whooped when it was set ablaze.

"Those aren't fireflies," Steve said. "I hope they don't trying making it up here."

"The jeep might be able to make the drive, but there's no way that car will," Natasha said. "It's too much of an incline without a road up."

They watched as the hunters burned down most of the buildings before settling in the largest one on the far side of town. With them occupying the space, there was no way Tony's group would even step foot into it without being shot at. Steve didn't know him well, but he still didn't want to see Tony get killed.

"We need to chase them out," Steve said, still watching the group. "Fireflies won't go near a hunter occupied area."

"Shit," Clint cursed, setting his bow down. "We're outnumbered."

"We have to be careful about this," Steve said, putting ammo in his gun and slipped the rest into an accessible pocket on his bag. "There's four of us, and at least ten of them. Make your shots count."

They all nodded, and headed down towards the town.

 **~*~**  

Burying a friend never got easier.

 **~*~**  

It was another year before they saw Tony again. True to Steve's prediction, as soon as the fireflies heard about the shootout in the town with the hunters and some stragglers, they turned around. Steve wasn't sure what Tony was thinking, but he couldn't have been too pleased. He wasn't even sure if Tony knew that Clint never made it out of that scuffle.

The three didn't know what to do for the first few months. They left Colorado and stuck around on the west side of the country. They stayed in various secure locations for some time before they moved on to somewhere new. Steve had grown tired of the constant moving, but he knew it was near essential to guarantee staying alive. Natasha went quiet again, her collected mien never once swaying. Her and Clint had grown close over the year they all traveled together, so it wasn't a secret that she was grieving. Sam and Steve let her.

They were traveling through the woods when a sudden gun shot rang out, startling them into hiding behind anything they could. Only the one shot rang out, but they all listened as the person grew closer, their feet snapping twigs and dried leaves.

"Steve, you asshole! I could spot that ass anywhere."

Feeling like all the air had been squeezed out of him, Steve peeked around the tree he was hiding behind to see Bucky standing in the clearing where they had just been walking. He had changed, obviously, letting his hair grow long and pulling it up into a loose bun. Bucky had lost his left arm at some point, and rigged up a metal prosthetic of sorts to use in its place.

"Fuck sake, Barnes. You scared the shit out of us." Steve didn't hesitate to walk over to him and pull him into a long overdue hug. "I thought you were dead."

"Could say the same to you, Stevie. God, you've gotten tall. I remember when I used to tower above you." Bucky was honest to God _pouting_ at Steve. "What are you doing here?"

"Could say the same to you," Steve mocked. "We're looking for a place to lay low at the moment. You wouldn't happen to have any ideas, would you?"

"Nah. I just escaped an old QZ. Fucking hunters are everywhere nowadays, I swear." Bucky huffed, eyeing the two others. "You wouldn't mind if I tagged along, would ya? I miss you, Steve."

"Miss you, too, Buck. And I don't mind, but I know they'll be weary."

"I don't blame them. Not every day you come across a weirdo missing an arm."

After introductions, they all started walking in the same direction once more. Bucky explained that at some point, some infected had bit him in his arm. As part of some experiment (which Bucky didn't care if it worked or not because he figured he was dying anyway), they cut off his arm before the infection could spread. It seemed to work, seeing as Bucky was still alive and walking. The rest of Bucky's group got attacked by infected, and Bucky was lucky he made it out of that encounter with everything (mostly) in tact. Apparently he had just wandered around the woods for a while afterwards, not wanting to really join any other groups of people. Came across some abandoned scrap metal and made himself an arm. Bucky said it wasn't as useful as he would've liked to hope it would, but it did a decent enough job. All things considered, it was still badass.

When night fell and Bucky had properly talked all of their ears off, they stayed in a house they found. Steve and Bucky were keeping first watch while the other two slept. Mainly because Steve still had so much catching up to do, and he didn't want to waste any of that time.

"What happened to you?" Steve asked.

"Once everything started happening, Mom and I left for the Boston Quarantine Zone. She figured the New York one would be insane." Bucky shrugged. "I guess she was right, in the end. Word travels fast."

"Wait, what happened?"

"The New York QZ completely collapsed about a year ago. Military couldn't keep it under control anymore. There were so many fights breaking out near daily that it exhausted all their efforts. An infected got in, and the rest is history. When'd you leave it?"

"Roughly two years ago." Steve slumped against the wall. He couldn't help but wonder if Peggy ever made it out.

"Oh no. I know the expression," Bucky said, trying to lighten the mood. "Someone caught your eye there, huh?"

"Not like that. A close friend," Steve corrected. "She didn't want to leave with me, so she stayed behind to help. I never knew what happened to her."

Bucky sighed. "Whole world's gone to hell in a hand basket."

Steve snorted. "What about you? Anyone caught your eye?"

"Not really. Shit was hard to do before all this. It's even worse now."

"Bucky, the last time I saw you, you were trying to ask a girl out. We were twelve and you spilled ice cream down the front of her shirt." Steve was snickering. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this light. He missed it.

"She was cute." Bucky was chuckling, too. "I miss the world it was before. God, Steve. There are adults running around who don't know any better. I ran into a nineteen year old, and she had no other choice but try and survive. It's heartbreaking, is what it is. You have us joking about the days before, but there are people...there are people who don't know any differentl."

They were both silent as Bucky's words washed over them. If Steve was being honest, he had never thought about it that way. Although, it did bring up a good point. This whole thing had been going on for twenty-one years– far too long.

Before he knew it, Steve was blinking away against the onslaught of sunlight. The others were still fast asleep, sending a jolt of panic up Steve's spine when he realised they had no one on guard.

"Relax solider," a teasing voice spoke up, making Steve's head whip towards it. It was Tony sitting on the floor not far from him.

"How'd you find us?" Steve asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Honestly? Dumb luck." Tony roughly bit his bottom lip. "I ran from the fireflies. I couldn't do it anymore."

Steve scooted over and sat next to Tony. "You didn't have to keep forcing yourself to do that."

"I know." Tony's voice was soft. "I wanted to, though. Get information, that is. Growing up, I never felt like I was doing much good. Joining the fireflies...I felt like that at first. And then I met Nat, and I felt my perspective change. You know how it is." Tony was toying with something in his hands, and only then did Steve notice it was his firefly pendant. "Did you know that, before all this, I would've never met any of you. My dad was this big hot shot in the weapons industry, and he was always insistent that we only talk to other rich people. Now look at him. Probably dead and rotted by now."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Seriously. Howard and I were never close. I miss my mom more than anything." Tony pocketed the pendant. "We'll have to leave the area soon. I assume they'll look for me around here for a while."

They were both quiet as the sound of soft snores played around them. Steve knew Tony, had met him once before, but even in the calm early morning light, Steve didn't feel his usual hint of panic from sitting next to someone he didn't know well.

"What city are you from?" Steve asked, not wanting to sit in silence for too long.

"Miami." Tony shrugged. "A lot of Florida has sunk over the years. Pretty confident it's underwater by now. What about you?"

"New York. A lot of its shores are farther inland than prior, but not as bad as Florida. Just found out the QZ there collapsed, not that I'm too surprised." Steve chuckled softly. "I just wish we could settle somewhere and stay there for a while, you know?"

"There's abandoned suburbs all over the place," Bucky said, slouching yet against the wall under the window. "Not many people realise the houses are still usable. Most people head to Quarantine Zones because they think it's safer."

"We'll need to get out of the area, but I don't see the harm in settling in one for a while." Steve shrugged. "I'm getting tired of the constant moving, anyway. It might be nice to be in one place for a bit."

Not long after everyone woke up, Tony quickly explained the situation before they headed out. Steve ended up walking alongside Tony, who liked to rattle on about different stories of people from the fireflies. Apparently, at one point, they had completely lost contact with Val's group, resulting in slight panic from Tony, but otherwise went unnoticed. Steve wasn't sure where the base was, but apparently there was a big firefly hospital in Salt Lake, where one of the bigger firefly leaders was killed a year prior. The groups have been a bit haywire since, not knowing who to trust. Tony said it was a rando who killed Marlene, but the fireflies didn't exactly believe him. Which is why Tony had hightailed it out of there. With the fireflies on some weird sort of wrath path, they didn't trust anyone within their groups anymore.

It took a couple months before the group found a suburb where they'd be able to stay for a while. It looked completely picked through, but they looked anyway. With it looking so barren and beaten, Natasha figured they'd be left alone. People didn't tend to go to places that looked like it had nothing left to give. They should've been fine, for the most part.

They all stayed in one house. It was one of the nicer ones, and they boarded it up as best they could with the materials they had. Steve and Sam had to dig a grave for a corpse found in the attic bedroom before it could rot anymore. It looked like it had been there a while, and by the bite marks on the poor person's wrist, Steve knew why they had died. Contrary to the numerous infected that still littered around, not a whole lot of people wanted to lose their mind in that way. Peggy had called it the 'easy way', but Steve didn't agree. It had to be a difficult decision to choose to take your own life before the infection could take over. Steve isn't sure what he would do.

When they returned to the house, Natasha and Bucky had taken off into the rest of the area to see what they could find. Tony offered to go with them, but having part their group suddenly disappear didn't seem like a good idea. Tony was already tending to a wound on his leg from earlier when he scrapped it on a vine of thorns ("you always seem to be injured whenever I see you, Tony"), and Sam went out to follow Natasha and Bucky. After some light digging around, Steve found a book and sat down on the couch next to Tony.

"I haven't picked up a book in years," Tony said suddenly, leaning back. "What book is that?"

Steve turned it over, snorting when the cover was torn off and the words on the first page were faded. "Dunno, but the summary sounded good."

"Would it be weird if I asked you to read aloud?" Tony asked quietly.

"Not at all."

Steve quickly found out that he liked reading to Tony. Tony would ask a question every so often, and they'd sit there and try to figure it out. At first, Steve had assumed the constant interruptions would annoy him, but he found he didn't mind. In fact, _he liked it_. Peggy always left him to himself when he read, but the quick discussions made reading more enjoyable. Sam, Natasha, and Bucky had returned at some point and were playing cards as the two read. From where he sat, Steve could see a small smile on Natasha's face. From their reading or the gentle teasing coming from Bucky, he wasn't fully sure. It was nice, just relaxing. They were still prepared if they needed to be, but just staying in one place for a bit brought a comfort to him.

 **~*~**  

The suburbs, as it turned out, was a great place to stay. So much so, in fact, that months soon passed and seasons changed without much of a notice. Steve and Tony had grown closer, choosing to occupy one of the bedrooms when they read (there were a surprising amount of books to be found throughout the old houses). He had also noticed Natasha seemed to smile more around Bucky. Steve felt a sad sort of pang for Sam, but the man didn't seem too torn up about it. He and Steve got along well enough, often going out on hunting trips together. Sam had fantastic aim, better than Steve's, and was often the one to get the bigger game for them to eat.

"I want to go exploring," Sam suddenly announced. "I spotted another suburb not far from here when I was hunting with Steve a few days ago. I couldn't see much, but it looked about in the same shape as this one."

"Why don't Sam, Steve, and I go check it?" Natasha suggested. "I'm getting antsy, and they know the surrounding woods better than the rest of us."

"Sounds fine with me. Maybe I can finally beat Barnes in go fish," Tony said, stubbornly looking down at his cards.

"I'm still amazed you have yet to win a game," Steve said, jokingly messing with Tony's hair.

"Shut up," Tony said, laughing as he smacked Steve's hand away.

Tony's laugh had quickly become one of Steve's favorite sounds. His smile grew softer as he watched Tony try in vain to beat Bucky at the simple card game. It was rather amusing. Bucky was a menace with cards; Steve wouldn't be surprised if he did something to them to purposely make Tony constantly lose.

Sam cleared his throat, fixing Steve with a stare when he realised he had just been smiling at Tony. "Should we bring our bags?"

"Nah. I just wanna look around for now and see if we can spot anything," Natasha said. She strapped a small bag around her thigh anyway. "Food. In case we happen to get lost somehow."

With weapons ready, they headed out towards the woods.

 **~*~**  

"Hey, you were right. This place looks like it hasn't been touched yet," Steve said, looking around at the boarded up houses. "There's still blocked entrances."

Natasha snorted. "That isn't entirely a good thing. Means someone will find it soon and raid it."

"Yeah, us. We found it and that's what we're doing," Sam said with a grin. He, too, was looking around when he suddenly noticed a house near the front. Holding a finger to his lips, he walked over to it, seeing the half boarded up entranceway to the house. "Something's different. Does this house look any different to you?"

"This is the first time we've been here, Sam," Steve stated dryly. "But then again, I guess? It looks like someone went in there, if that's what you're implying."

They both walked over and looked at the boards on the ground. "Someone's in the house," Natasha stated, trying to peer through the boards.

They all exchanged looks and quietly got their weapons out. Sam and Natasha carefully peeled off the rest of the boards and made their way inside. After turning on their flashlights, they did a quick sweep.

"They have to still be in here," Steve said. "There's no other indication that they went out another way."

They split up, searching around the house as best they could. At one point, all of them had made their way upstairs, searching through every last corner of the rooms. Steve opened his mouth to say there was no one here when a loud _bang_ emitted from downstairs. Eyes widening, they all hurried down the stairs to see one of the windows was down a couple boards. They exchanged glances once more and made their way to the back of the house. Natasha was trying to look for footprints when Sam suddenly spun towards a bush, gun drawn.

"I know you're in there, I can see the bush breathing."

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, a young male that couldn't be older than twenty slowly stood up, hands raised and a gun held loosely in one hand. "Please, I'll be out of your hair. I just needed somewhere to sleep for the night."

Steve swallowed thickly, putting his gun away along with the other two in their party. "What's your name?" Natasha asked.

"Why do you want to know?" he asked, eyes filled with fear as he looked at the group in front of him. Steve couldn't help but feel bad for the kid.

"We're not hunters, if that's what you want to know," Steve said, trying to calm the poor boy. His brown eyes were wide, never leaving the three strangers in front of him.

"Good. Neither am I. Just let me be on my way, and I won't be a problem."

"Why are you here?" Natasha asked, her voice calm and steady. She was always good with people. Steve admired her for her ability to de-escalate a situation as quick as possible.

"I just needed a place to sleep. I've been traveling in the woods for the past few months, and sleeping in trees got old. I just wanted a mattress for the night, that's all. I promise," he answered.

Sleeping in the trees? Steve wished he thought of that sooner. Might've made it easier to get through the woods without getting mud in his hair.

Natasha walked closer slowly, a hand extended towards the kid. "I'm Natasha. Blondie over there is Steve, and the other one is Sam."

Shaking Natasha's hand, Steve watched as Peter relaxed minutely. "Peter. You're really not hunters?"

"Nope," Sam replied, almost too cheerily in Steve's opinion. "A group of us are staying in a suburb nearby. We sometimes go off in groups to scavenge for stuff. This place in particular was a recent find for us, so I apologize if we scared you."

Scared seemed to be a bit of an understatement. Peter looked _terrified_ when the three of them practically cornered him. Steve didn't blame him for being scared– he would've been, too.

"That's fine, I get it. I used to run with a few people, and we did something similar. Although, there were only four of us, so we all stayed in one house and two of us would go looking," Peter said, shaking Steve from his musings.

"Where's your group then?" Steve couldn't help but ask.

A look of grief passed over the kid's face. Steve suddenly felt bad for asking it in the first place. Clearly, he would've been with at least one other person if he had a group walking with him. "Oh, um. They're all dead." He cleared his throat. "They're the lucky ones, if you ask me. They don't have to worry about surviving anymore."

Steve's heart went out to Peter. It suddenly reminded him of Tony in the time following his escape from the fireflies. At the time, he didn't feel like anything was as important anymore. Of course, Steve had always tried to talk him out of it, but Tony was anything if not stubborn. Steve kind of admired him for it.

"You mentioned you've been living in the woods for the past few months, how long have you been on your own?" Sam asked.

"And how are you still alive?" Steve added, probably not helping the situation any.

"Oh, uh. Six months, I think? And hunters don't go into the woods as often as you'd think. All the ones I've come across usually hide in the towns and steal from people when they come through. In the woods, there's plenty of animals to hunt and eat. Plenty of coverage, too." Peter just shrugged.

"You can come back with us, if you'd like," Steve suggested. Poor Tony would probably constantly fret over Peter if they came back with him. He mentioned once how he always worried over the kids during this time. They were so _young_ , so _full of hope_ , that seeing them killing infected and hunters just to stay alive always made Tony hate their world. Steve couldn't help but agree.

"We don't have the supplies for another mouth," Natasha whispered to them. And really, they didn't. They were barely making due with the people they already had. And, again, knowing Tony, he'd sacrifice his portions for Peter. Tony was already thin enough as it was.

"It's alright. I was thinking of heading north more anyway. I hear there's a Quarantine Zone in Boston." Peter, as it turned out, was terrible at lying. Steve caught the way his face fell after Natasha's whisper, so it didn't take a genius to figure out that he had overheard them. Steve felt awful for the kid.

"Here," Natasha spoke up, pulling the can from earlier out of her bag and handing it to Peter.

"Oh, no. You said you have an entire group, and I can easily hunt."

"Peter, you look like you're a day away from starving. How old are you, anyway? Fourteen?" Sam asked, giving him a noticeable and over-the-top once over.

"Twenty, actually." That surprised Steve. "Thank you, but I feel guilty taking this away from you. Especially considering I picked from this house already."

Steve couldn't help but tune out after that. The kid standing in front of him was exactly what Bucky had been talking about before. The kid was younger than whatever hell they had been thrust into. Peter didn't know anything other than running from danger and trying to survive. It made Steve's heart ache. Still, there wasn't a whole lot they could do. Wait it out, he supposed

 **~*~**  

"Steve, I think we're lost."

Sighing, Steve stopped in his tracks. Tony was right, but he didn't want to admit it.

Sam had gotten shot in the leg by a rogue group of hunters when they were hunting for food one day. Natasha had elected to stay back to care for Sam's wound, and Bucky because they "didn't need more than two on a hunting party". But there was also an evil glint in both of their eyes, and it made Steve want to call them out on their shit.

"Sam knows this area better than I do," Steve finally admitted. "It doesn't help that it's dark out."

"Then what do you suggest we do, Steven? Because we're in the woods, alone, and I'm out of ammo. So if we get caught, we only have your gun to rely on."

"Why did you even come with me, Tony?" Steve asked, finally at his wits end.

"Well because Nat practically shoved me out the door," Tony stated bluntly. "You know, I think they wanted us to be alone together."

"Oh, yeah? What gave you that impression?"

Tony snorted. "I knew I liked your humor. It's very dry, did you know that? Very different from Bucky's, but I like it."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Steve just sighed. "Did you want to stop for the night, or try and head back?"

"I highly doubt we'll find our way through these woods at ass o'clock in the morning. I don't see any shelter, though."

"We ran into a kid who said he slept in trees," Steve offered lamely.

"We don't have any rope, genius. Unless you got an unlimited supply in that backpack of yours. You have everything else."

"What's your problem?" Steve finally asked. "I thought we got along great."

"We do!" Tony sighed, throwing his hands. "I don't know. I really like you, but you always act like...you."

"I act like myself?"

"Well there's no other way to put it!" Tony ran a hand through his hair. "The whole...righteous shtick."

Steve couldn't help it: he laughed. Tony had the incredible ability of pulling that out of him. Even Bucky seemed amazed by the way he was always smiling around Tony. Tony relaxed at the sound.

"Sorry, sorry, I just." Steve sighed. "I don't try to be like that, you know. It just...helps."

"Helps what?" Tony asked softly.

"Like a personal defense, I suppose. If they see me act like nothing bothers me, then they won't try to get past my defenses." Steve shrugged. "Only a few people have been able to get past them."

"I'm guessing the people waiting for us?"

"Yes and no. As much as I do love having Bucky around, times surely have changed. I haven't seen him in years. We've both changed. Natasha, yeah I'll admit. She has, but hasn't she for all of us? And Sam, well. He's getting there." Steve felt bad for admitting it, but there wasn't exactly any nice way to put that. Bucky and him had been affected differently from their circumstances, and grew differently because of it.

"What about me?"

His voice was so soft; Steve almost didn't hear it. Gazing over at Tony, Steve couldn't notice how much smaller he looked standing there. "Honestly?" he spoke after a moment. "You got past them a while ago."

If smiles could light the way, then Tony's surely would. It made Steve's heart thump weirdly in his chest. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. The closest he had felt like this was his crush on Peggy a few years prior. That realization left Steve slightly stunned, but he didn't let himself dwell on it. Everybody had better things to worry about than love. Or rather, _who loved who_.

"I really think we should stop for the night," Steve spoke again. "We won't really get anywhere if we can't see."

"Don't you have a flashlight?" Tony quirked an eyebrow.

"Would you believe me if I told you it's dead?" Steve tried turning it on, only for it to flicker and die out.

Tony just snorted. "How convenient." Steve couldn't help but think the same, glaring down at the offending item before putting it away. Natasha and Bucky may have been scheming to get the two of them alone together, but they wouldn't tamper with his flashlight.

"Why don't you just sleep, Tony? I'll keep watch." Steve felt like he could run laps from how wired he felt. Being alone around Tony never seemed to let his poor heart rest. He wasn't even sure what it was about Tony that left him so on edge, but he pushed those feelings aside. They'd be a problem for future Steve.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

The following morning, Steve was lightly shaken awake by Tony, who looked slightly panicked. Standing up, Steve looked around now that there was light out to see. It wasn't a good thing.

"I don't recognize anything," Steve said, feeling his chest tighten. He couldn't lead them back if he didn't know where they were. Just being separated from the others left an uncomfortable feeling settle deep in his chest.

"No shit, it's the woods." Tony let out a breath. "Do you know which way we should go?"

Letting out a shaky breath, Steve shook his head. "No, I don't. Fuck! I knew we shouldn't have gone out late. I told Nat that I thought my flashlight was dying, but she just told me not to worry. Or, I don't know. I'm fairly sure we went a different way than normal last night."

"Steve, relax." Tony gently squeezed Steve's shoulder. "Look, why don't we start going back the way we came and see if we can find any familiar landmarks, alright?"

"Yeah." Steve's took a deep breath and gave Tony a small smile as they started walking back. "Sorry for freaking out. I don't...I don't like the thought of being separated from the others."

They walked in silence for a bit, letting the cooling air relax their tensed muscles. Being separated from Sam, Bucky, and Natasha set Steve on edge. Not that Tony was bad company, because he wasn't, he just didn't want to get lost. The woods were large, and it was easy to take one wrong turn and end up in a completely different state if you weren't careful. Peter had been right– there weren't many hunters in the woods. There was plenty of coverage under the foliage of leaves, but with winter approaching, those leaves were browning and falling down onto the forest floor. Even so, everything looked the same, and it's be difficult to find any significant landmarks.

Suddenly, Steve snorted as a thought came to mind. "We couldn't take take that kid, Peter, with us because we didn't have enough food to go around to share. We would be able to now."

Tony sighed softly. "Steve, c'mon. Let's talk about something else, alright? If we keep focusing on something that _could_ happen, let's just...distract ourselves."

"What do you suggest?"

Tony was silent for a moment, thinking over a response. "Tell me about Peggy."

"What do you wanna know?" Steve was a bit shocked, if he was being honest. Peggy was weirdly a sore subject for _Tony_. He never met her, but he always seemed to tense up whenever Steve brought her up.

Tony shrugged. "Anything you want to tell me."

Steve bit his bottom lip, thinking it over. "Well. I met Peggy just after my mom died, about when I was sixteen. We grew up together in the New York Quarantine Zone since there weren't a lot of kids our age in our section of the QZ. I was there until I left a few years back. She was this super tough girl, and I...honestly, I was smitten. She didn't take shit from anybody, and it was rather admirable. We were smugglers for a bit in our early twenties. Smuggled stuff out for extra ration cards, but it wasn't us. The extra food was nice, but that risk didn't seem worth it after a while.

"She was the one who pushed me to leave the Zone. Said I was complaining too much." Steve snickered. "I wanted her to go with me, but she wanted to stay behind and help people. She was great with kids, so she worked in the nursery. God, I always felt so bad for those kids."

"Did you, uh. Were you together?"

"We tried. It seemed like the logical next step, but it didn't really feel...right? I don't know. We liked each other, but things just didn't mesh well." Steve shrugged. "You know, things happen."

"I'm sorry." Tony was quiet, which was unusual for him. His presence always filled a room. Steve wasn't sure if it was the topic or the atmosphere that made Tony so reserved. Steve didn't like seeing Tony so down like that.

"Don't be. I miss her, but people grow apart. Grow different. It's like Bucky and I. We were thick as thieves as kids, but over the time we've been together, I've noticed we don't get along as well as we used to. It's a damn shame, but there's not much we can do about it." Steve smiled at Tony. "You know, I'm glad I've got to meet you. You remind me of Peggy, in a way. Smart, strong willed, an _utter pain in my ass_." Steve grinned as Tony laughed. "I don't know. I've really liked reading with you. I haven't done that since before the infection, with my mom. She read me poetry all the time."

"Do you still read poetry?"

"When I can."

They fell into silence again, but it didn't feel awkward. In fact, it was rather comforting to share a space with Tony. Steve had been honest– Tony really did remind Steve a lot of Peggy. The whole conversation brought up yet another tangle of feelings in Steve's stomach. If he weren't walking, he imagined he'd be shifting in his spot. Crushes, _relationships_ , seemed to be so far down the list of importance that it made Steve guilty to even consider it. Even saying that, Steve wasn't stupid to remember that kids were still born every day. People were still desperate for companionship that they didn't let the fear of dying affect that. Steve supposed he should get into that line of thinking, as well. It may do him so good.

After wandering around for a while in the same direction, Steve realised with a heavy heart that they were well and truly lost. Steve wasn't even sure if they were headed in the right direction anymore. Stopping suddenly, Steve just let out a sigh before sitting on a fallen tree, head in his hands. Tony sat down next to him and neither of them said anything for a while, letting the fact that they weren't getting back anytime soon wash over them.

"If we don't get back soon, they'll assume we're dead," Steve said after a moment. "Sam and I always gave each other a time limit on when a respectable time has passed. He's probably letting the others know."

"Are you sure we're lost?" Tony asked, looking around.

Steve sat up and looked around himself. The woods were starting to all look the same, and Steve couldn't spot anything in the distance that he could use as a point of reference. Tony seemed to be reaching the same conclusion, if the slump in his posture was anything to go by.

"So what do we do?" he asked, looking at Steve. It struck Steve, then, that Tony had always been in some sort of group. Being separated like this was something new for him. While Steve himself wasn't much better, all those smuggling trips when he was younger helped garner him some sort of internal journal of information.

"Start walking and try to get out of the woods," Steve answered. "If anything, it'll let us know where we ended up."

Tony nodded and stood up, adjusting his backpack as he did. Steve stood up as well and the two of them started walking.

With autumn slowly coming to a close, it was starting to get colder out. Tony's jacket didn't look like it protected him much from the cold, but still got the job done. Steve didn't really have anything else to use aside from his own jacket, making him thankful they had both remembered to grab them before they left. Steve knew from experience this time of year always got colder at night. They'd more than likely have to find shelter to sleep in if they were going to be on their own now.

"Do you think they'd come looking for our bodies?" Tony spoke up. "Back in the fireflies, we'd always leave the dead where they died, and I hated that, but friends are different. _Family_ is different."

A pang went through Steve as he remembered burying Clint. The group did bury their friends in respect, but realistically, "They'd bury us if they knew. With us being deep in the woods, I don't think they'd go searching. They wouldn't even know where to look, so it'd be futile effort."

Tony nodded, like he was expecting that answer. "A part of me hoped you'd humor me."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not your fault." Tony struggled with his words a minute before letting out a sigh. "I knew what would happen when we left for the woods. I know you and Sam know the area pretty decently, but it was dark and Natasha wanted you to try a new area since she didn't want anybody on our tail. I mean, it was more of a hunch than anything, but."

Birds chirped all around them, giving them a false sense of peace and tranquillity. Steve knew the moment they stepped out of the woods that the facade would be broken, but for a moment, Steve allowed himself to believe the world wasn't so fucked up. The woods always gave off false senses of security. It was hidden throughout the hellish world, even slowly taking over the old cities that nobody wanted. Steve remembered passing through a town that was so overrun with wildlife, it was hard to even imagine the way it used to be. If he had a camera, he would've taken a picture of the beautiful sight. In a way, it was almost like karma. Humans never fully treated the Earth like they were supposed to. And now that the human race was struggling to survive, Earth was slowly taking back control.

They broke through the woods into one of the said towns in Steve's musings. It hadn't been a big city, but still decent enough sized that the once tall buildings had either fallen or were in danger of doing just that.

"It's amazing how far mankind has fallen," Tony said, echoing Steve's thoughts. "We thought we had it all, but in the end, nature had the last laugh. It's amazing, isn't it?"

Steve nodded, shooting Tony a smile before walking towards a stable looking building. "We won't be able to find a straight path through, so we'll have to find a way."

"Ooh, scenic route," Tony joked, pulling a smile from Steve. "You know, I think we're further north than when we left the others. Look at mountains in the distance."

"I agree." Steve was glum, but he didn't want to linger on the feeling of disappointment. A part of him had been hoping they weren't far off and could take the streets back. "By now, Sam had to have told them. I can't see them holding out hope for that long."

Tony's shoulders sagged. It was an answer he hadn't been hoping to hear, but there wasn't much Steve could do. The truth needed to be told.

They made their way further into the building. It was steady enough, but the floors still creaked under their weight. Faintly, Steve could hear the sound of infected up ahead, and he hoped they'd be able to sneak by without alerting them. He exchanged a glance with Tony, who was holding an empty glass bottle. Steve raised an eyebrow, smiling a little as he picked up a fallen brick, earning an eye roll from Tony.

"Gotta one up me, don't you?" he joked.

Steve just snickered. "I don't see how it counts as that, but call it whatever you want."

They walked for a bit, the sound of infected growing louder as they got closer. Steve spotted a corpse just before the door, causing him to quickly cover his nose when he realised it was fresh. Tony did the same thing, even as they hid behind the wall and peeked around to count how many infected there were. There were three stalkers and four clickers.

"Do you have any explosives on you?" Tony whispered. "Like fire or something. Clickers will run to the sound and burn up. Stalkers won't be as easy to take out, but we'll figure it out."

Steve slid the bag off his shoulders and dug through it. After a minute, he pulled out a bottle and lit the fabric sticking out of it. "Here," he said, handing it to Tony. "It's the only one we have."

"That's fine. I have great aim." Smirking a little, Tony moved around a moment before taking aim and throwing it at a nearby stalker. As predicted, all the infected rushed towards the sound, the clickers in particular.

As they burned, Steve and Tony each took out a stalker before they were in the clear. Letting out a laugh of disbelief, Steve carefully walked into the room where they all had been. "That was far easier than I thought it'd be."

Tony snorted. "Clickers aren't the smartest. They can't see, so they run straight into the fire. Works like a charm."

"We'll have to find the ingredients for more of those explosives, then. It'll definitely help us get around easier."

They explored the rest of the room, not finding much else of use. They tended to what scrapes they had gotten from being in the woods and their fight with the infected before moving on. Tony seemed rather quiet as they walked, quietly taking everything in. Steve remembered, a while back, when Tony had said his dad was big in the weapon industry. It made Steve wonder how big, and if Tony ever missed living that kind of life. From the way he spoke about it, though, he highly doubted it. If he missed it, he'd sound more remorseful than angry.

Walking through the old building took the rest of the afternoon. By the time they made it through to the other side, the sun was already setting. Steve allowed himself a moment to wonder what the others were up to before shaking his head and looking around for a place to stop for the night.

"There's a building up not too far away that looks pretty sturdy. We can stop there for the night. Rest up, eat, get our bearings," Steve said, pointing at said building. "Maybe figure out where we're heading and how to get there."

"Sounds good to me," Tony replied, a small smile on his face. It looked sad, but Steve looked away before he could open his mouth and ask what was wrong.

They set up camp in the building, using an old metal barrel as a place to keep a fire lit for them to see and keep warm by. An old couch was pushed from another room to use as a makeshift bed for the person not on watch to sleep on. As predicted, the night grew colder, the bitter wind slicing through his jacket. Tony was shivering as he huddled closer to the fire. They'd need to find better winter gear if they wanted to survive the colder days ahead.

"You take first sleep, Steve. I don't think I could sleep right now even if I wanted to," Tony told him, adding old pages from a book they found along with twigs and other miscellaneous branches.

Not wanting to question it, Steve set his backpack down on the floor and got comfortable on the couch. There was a spring digging into the middle of his back, but with some slight adjustments, he was able to fall into a fitful rest.

"I know a place we could stay in for a while, but it'll take a while to get there," Tony said the following morning. He was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and stretching out his back until it cracked. "Found it when I was with the fireflies, but they thought it was too small for what they wanted to use it for, so they left. It's back on the east coast, more towards the New England area. Should be enough for the two of us plus more."

"What is it?" Steve asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"An old university. It's nearly completely run down, but it should do just fine. There's enough buildings where we can ransack, plus a greenhouse where we can grow our own stuff." Tony shrugged. "If, by some miracle, we manage to run into the others, there would even be room for them."

Biting his bottom lip roughly, Steve couldn't help but silently agree. Plus, a greenhouse would make getting food _a lot_ easier. With enough wildlife as there was, having the bonus addition of having their own fruits and vegetables? Definitely a score.

Lips twitching up in a smile, Steve simply said, "Then lead the way."

 **~*~**  

The sun was brutal, even as it got colder. They went north more before finally heading east towards the university. Tony claimed to know right where he was going, so Steve didn't dare try correcting. It wasn't like he even knew where it was, so he'd more than likely just get them more lost. While Steve had given up the notion of finding the others completely, he couldn't help but notice Tony looking around every so often, like they'd just pop out of the bushes. It made Steve feel bad, but he could understand the underlying hope that there was finding them again. He only just found Bucky and he had already lost him again. It didn't seem fair.

By the time the snow started really falling, they were in Ohio. It'd be about another week or so before they got to the university. Because of the swirling snow and frequent storms, they had to stop more often than they would like to. They could only travel so far before the storm got too bad for them to continue through. At some point, they had found better jackets. An old motel had a locked closet door that only needed some fiddling with the lock to get it open. They also found stashed food and supplies, stuffing it away in their backpacks before pulling on the extra clothes.

Tony made everything easier. A lot more fun, too. He always seemed to notice whenever Steve got too in his head, cracking a joke every now and again. Steve noticed Tony battled with his own demons, but never opened up about them. Steve wasn't about to force him to talk if he didn't want to. He knew _that_ feeling all too well.

At some point, they came across another couple guys who were traveling the way. They didn't stop to chat for long, but the way the taller man looked at the shorter made Steve's heart yearn for just that. Tony seemed to have a matching expression, if the smirk on the shorter's face was anything to go by.

"Hey, Tony," Steve said one day as they walked. It was a nicer day, and it had been warm enough outside lately that a good amount of snow had melted. "Have you ever, like, been with anyone?"

The question made Tony stutter in his steps. "Well yeah, why?"

"I was just thinking." Steve bit his bottom lip. "I've been so focused on surviving that I guess I haven't really lived, you know?"

"Are you telling me you're a virgin?" Tony asked with a laugh.

With a snort and a blush (that he refused to admit to), Steve shook his head. "No, m'not, but. I don't know. Just everything going on made me realise I haven't done a whole lot for myself. Well, to make me happy, at the very least. Right now I'm just...I settled."

"Never too late to fix that," Tony responded, sounding a bit hopeful.

"You think so?"

Tony stopped and turned to look at Steve. "If I may be a bit blunt here, Steve, I've known you for a year? Possibly more? And over that time, you prove to be better and better. I'm not even sure how you manage to do it." He took a shaky breath. "Look, I'm...I know I'm not exactly the best at giving signals and all that shit, but. I've grown to like you, okay? You make me feel safe in a way I didn't even feel when I trusted the fireflies. And in this world, feeling safe can be so dangerous. And yet, with you, I don't feel as scared. So, yes, I really mean it. If I may be so bold to add, I wish you'd do it with me."

Smiling a little, Steve reached over and gently grabbed Tony's hand. "I think I could do that," he replied as they started walking once more. "I think Natasha wanted us to do this when we were in the woods that night, you know? I don't think it was her intention for us to get lost, but there's only so much you can do about that."

Chuckling slightly, Tony nodded. "Yeah, I think so, too. Poor Sam, though. He went from fifth wheel to third wheel."

A month later, and the two of them were standing in front of the university with proud smiles on their faces. Tony happily squeezed his hand and led them over to a garage nearby.

"We can always go through the rest of this place in the morning. Another reason the fireflies didn't want to be here is because of the infected that inhabit it, but I'm sure we'll be able to clear them out just fine," Tony rambled, opening an office with a key Steve didn't see him produce. "We can stay in here for the time being. Infected can't get through."

"Comforting," Steve remarked, laughing when Tony gave him a look.

Walking around, Steve lazily pulled open drawers and searched through them. He tossed some ammo at Tony before grabbing some for himself. Plopping down on the couch, Tony let out a long sigh and watched Steve.

"What are you looking for? I don't think there's anything else in here for you to take," he said, dropping his backpack to the floor. They both winced at the sound it made hitting the concrete. If Steve had known it was too heavy for Tony, he would've taken more for himself. But Tony was anything, if not stubborn.

"Just looking," was all Steve said. He sat down in the old desk chair, staring at the objects in front of him. Drumming lightly on the dusty keyboard, Steve let his eyes settle on an old photograph. "Hey, Tony, look." Picking it up, he noticed a couple and their two kids. The guy in it, Steve assumed based on the nameplate sat on the desk, used to work in the office they found themselves in. Based on the aging of the picture, Steve assumed the parents were either dead or possibly dying. The kids, though, they looked old enough to be about his age now.

"Seeing pictures like that always does something to me," Tony said from behind Steve. "Most of the time, the people in them are dead."

"How do you know?" Steve quirked an eyebrow.

"I've seen enough of them," Tony answered, his voice sad.

Steve pulled Tony onto his lap, wrapping an arm around his waist as they both stared at the photo. "How about this? We make up a pretend life for them."

"I'm not a five year old."

"Didn't say you were." Steve smirked. "Humor me."

"Alright." Tony grabbed the picture from Steve and stared at it for a bit. Finally, he smiled and said, "The kids grew up happy with both parents. Dad was fantastic at whatever he does here, but he always came home to his family. His eldest daughter, in particular, was attached to him. Always sat and listened to his stories."

"The younger one was attached to their mom," Steve added, hooking his chin onto Tony's shoulder. "Loved cooking and baking with her. Preferred her fairytale stories to her dad's tales of the wild west."

"Do you think, if given the opportunity, you'd have kids of your own?" Tony asked, setting the picture down. "I mean like...you know, if all of this wasn't going on."

"I'd like to think so," Steve said, smiling. "I've always wanted kids of my own."

"You'd be a great dad, I think."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. "What makes you say that?"

"Just the way you around people, I guess." Tony picked at the keyboard as a nervous tick. "It's sweet."

Humming softly, Steve kissed Tony's cheek before talking about something else.

 **~*~**  

Spring was on the horizon, and with warming up came time for the two men to start planting what they needed to. It'd still be a bit before they'd be able to get anything out of the plants, but it was still better to get it started as early as they possibly could. They easily fell into a routine, living in one of the dorms in a building adjacent to the greenhouse. The greenhouse itself kept out the snow for the odd flurry here and there, and they were pleased that their crops were doing well so far.

The two of them fell into an easy routine of doing their daily work to keep themselves alive before slowly moving through the buildings. By the time spring was there to stay, they had taken out most of the infected in the buildings. It was still a large space for just the two of them, but no infected meant they didn't have to keep looking over their shoulders for trouble. Tony had been the one to suggest they do it gradually, seeing as if they did otherwise, they'd grow tired and get overwhelmed.

As for their relationship, they took it gradually. Neither of them were exactly used to having a relationship like they did, but they found a rhythm that worked for them. An added bonus was that they didn't plan on leaving for a while, if ever. The university provided a good space, and it didn't seem to be a beacon to anybody else. Tony had said the fireflies gave up on using it, so Steve doubted they'd come back for it. They worried about hunters, but Steve would be more surprised if they didn't have to. Hunters seemed to multiple before they could even blink, and often times it took everything in the both of them to chase them away. Often times, they'd have to do solo runs to nearby times for ammo and other supplies if the need arose. All in all, they were doing well for themselves.

So, really, it shouldn’t have come to much of a surprise to either of them when things suddenly went downhill.

“This is the last building,” Steve said, staring up at the largest dorm building on campus. “You have your mask just in case, right?”

“Yes, Steve. We have yet to use them anywhere yet, but I still have it stashed in my bag,” Tony replied, snickering a little. He then kissed Steve’s cheek. “I appreciate the concern, but I do know how to take care of myself, you know.”

“Never said you couldn’t,” Steve replied, pulling Tony in for a gentle kiss. “Never going to get used to that, you know.”

Tony hummed. “Me neither. Good thing we have a while to do it.”

Pulling away, Steve just grinned. “Let’s get this over with so we can get back to our own room.”

Wiggling his eyebrows playfully, Tony followed after Steve inside. There was only one infected on the first floor that Steve was able to quickly take out. Infected were absent on the second floor, but even before fully opening the door, Steve noticed something and gestured to Tony to stop.

“Good thing we remembered,” he stated with a bit of a smirk, pulling his mask on.

Tony just rolled his eyes and pulled his own on. There were a frightening amount of infected on this floor. Steve signaled Tony to stick close to him as they slunk through the infected hallway, doing their best to remain unseen. The spores were thick in the air, stemming from multiple different dead infected stuck to the dorm’s walls. Tony’s grip suddenly tightened on Steve’s arm, but Steve did nothing but shake it off.

“Steve,” Tony whispered, trying to get Steve’s attention.

“Hang on,” Steve whispered back, standing up to take out the nearest clicker.

When he returned back to hiding, Tony was quiet, and watching Steve’s every movement. Almost as if he was trying to remember it. Shaking off the odd feeling, Steve went back to the task at hand.

Being as quiet as possible, the two of them were able to take out all but three of them. Steve was about to get one when Tony’s patience seemed to have run out and he dragged Steve back out into the stairwell.

“What the hell, Tony? We were almost done,” Steve said the moment the door was closed. His anger quickly when he saw the heartbroken expression on his boyfriend’s face.

“My mask broke, Steve,” he stated plainly, making Steve freeze where he was standing. “I noticed it shortly after we got in there, but you were so focused on getting the infected, that I just...I decided to just...be with you.”

“Tony–” Steve’s voice sounded choked up, even to his own ears.

“I don’t know when it happened,” Tony continued, like Steve didn’t even speak. “We...we were both in there for a while, Steve. Taking them out quietly takes a lot of time and patience, and I...” He cut himself off with a sob, covering his mouth so he wouldn’t alert the clickers they never got to. “I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“Shh, it’s not your fault.” Steve pulled Tony into his chest, crying silently into the thick brown locks. “I love you, Tony. Always remember that, okay?”

Tony pulled away just enough to stare up at Steve. “I don’t want to die, Steve. I’m only...I never got to have time with you.”

Gently cupping Tony’s face, Steve kissed his forehead. “I treasured our time together, Tony. Now I know...I know neither of know how airborne spores affect a person, but–”

“It’s better not to take that risk,” Tony finished in a whisper. “I should’ve got us out of there sooner.”

“Hey, stop blaming yourself, okay? It’s both of us. I should’ve to you listened sooner, right when you realised it.” He wanted to kiss Tony so badly, but nobody knew exactly how the infection spread. All they knew was spores and bites. Beyond that was a mystery. Besides, Steve knew Tony wouldn’t want to test that out, even if he looked like he wanted to kiss Steve as badly as Steve wanted to kiss him.

“I love you, too, you know,” Tony said after a beat. He took off his backpack and mask, handing everything to Steve. “It would be easiest if I stayed here. I’ll hide myself in the bathroom. The clickers will leave me alone once the infection starts really kicking in.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, meaning it.

“I am, too.”

They stared at one another for a beat longer before Tony was sighing. With one last kiss to Steve’s cheek, Tony slipped back into the dorm’s third floor hallway empty handed. Steve just stood there for a moment, heart feeling like a stone at the bottom of his stomach, where it had fell after Tony dropped the news. Looking at the mask, Steve could see the large crack in the air filter, letting spores into Tony’s airways. Taking a shaky breath, Steve moved a piece of furniture from the second floor to sit in front of the third floor entryway.

No way in, and no way out.

His steps felt heavy all the way down to where they had been staying. Everywhere he looked, he could see Tony’s touches. Even though Tony was still alive, and most likely watching Steve from where he was, the thought he was turning into the thing they had spent months killing, tore him up inside. Gathering his things and stuffing as much of their items as he could into his backpack (including Tony’s backpack, which he would hold onto for as long as he could), Steve made his way for the exit. Looking once more back at the dorm where Tony was, Steve allowed a few tears to fall down his face. He swore he saw Tony staring back.

After a good long look, Steve turned on his heel and walked off campus.

**Author's Note:**

> if you didnt catch it
> 
> –the two dudes they ran into were thor and bruce, lmao (probably after they met peter and wade because theyre sneaky like that)  
> –tony is the runner that chases after peter. i kinda forget runners are two days after infection, so i decided to end this like i did so plot holes didnt end up happening (that and, all things considering, not everybody in the apocalypse gets their happy ending. so this ending was both to fix things and be realistic. especially since my spideypool is a big fluffy mess)
> 
> comments are always loved and appreciated 💛💛
> 
> [my tumblr](http://bibibarry.tumblr.com)   
>  [my instagram](http://instagram.com/olivxrry)


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